i just weaned my youngest. i didn't really mean to do it. i mean, yeah, i was planning on weaning him soon...but the exact day just sort of happened. we were busy. then it was nap time and bedtime and he hadn't nursed. so i went with it. it hit me yesterday (day 4) that i hadn't cherished the final nursing session we shared. i don't even remember anything about it. i was so busy planning the practical side of weaning him that i completely forgot about the emotional side - the nurturing, the bonding, the shared moments. and that is exactly what makes breastfeeding so hard, in my mind. it is physical and practical and necessary...and yet, it is sweet and comforting and moving. oh, and the hormones.
i always knew i wanted to breastfeed my kids. and when i found out i was pregnant with twins that didn't change; i just thought it was a good thing it wasn't triplets. i bought in hook line and sinker to the concept that it is natural and therefore easy as pie. have you ever made a pie? it is not easy. and neither is breastfeeding. in fact, i would say that during the first three months of the twins' lives it was the most stressful part. latching, nipple shields, pumping, leaking, engorgement, pumping, supply issues, slow feeders, huge right boob, pumping, little left boob, pumping. and more than anything: the unknown! how much were they getting???
so, i have my million dollar idea. i am going to invent a device that fits over the breast, doesn't interfere at all with breastfeeding, but tells you in ounces (or mL) the milk consumed. simple, but brilliant, right?? seriously, at $49.95 a pop it wouldn't take any time at all to rack up my first mill. you know you want one!
so back to the uneven boob situation. i hear it is super common. i called mine the fire hose and the little boob that could. and i can tell you that one of them has fared much better through the process. do you think a plastic surgeon would consider a one-sided lift? would it cost half as much?
and the bane of every nursing mom - pumping. my god. it has to be a man that invented that contraption. nursing twins already made me feel like a dairy cow...but add in the hospital grade pump attached on both sides, wheezing away and i felt like moo-ing some days. i discovered the wonder of the hand pump with my youngest and that proved quite a bit more manageable, somehow. maybe because i didn't always have two children attached at the boob...there was occasionally a vacancy sign flashing. of course, i should consider myself lucky that all three of my boys readily took to the bottle. i am always in awe of the mothers who cannot get their wee ones to hit the bottle.
it gets easier, right? in some ways, yes. once the latch is down pat, the engorgement issues are under control and breast pads are not longer needed in bed it seems to settle down. look how simple it is. nothing to take with me when i leave the house...nothing to wash or sanitize...nothing to buy. easy-peasy! except right around that time (usually 3-4 months in) supply takes a dip. so now what? my first remedy was lots of water and fenugreek. it didn't help and i reeked of fake maple syrup. ewwww. now of course, they say to pump constantly! but is la leche going to send over a full-time nanny in order to save my poor children from the horrors of organic formula? i don't think so. thus, with great heaviness of heart, the one bottle a day of supplementation began.
you know what it comes down to with breastfeeding? you do what you can. and that is all you can do.
for some moms, that means going straight for the formula. for others, it means pumping exclusively for a year. and for me it meant supplementing a bottle a day until we started solids. like any decision made that veers from original intent, it stings. it feels like failure. a compromise. and these decisions are a compromise. a compromise between ideals and sanity. it's called reality.
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