Waldorf Base Layers for Seattle

My three boys are all very different in how they approach the solution to Seattle's constantly shifting weather patterns - but they all layer! Layering is essential if you want to stay comfortable in a climate that can be warm and sunny, windy and rainy, foggy and misty all in the same day! One of my boys wears a sweater every day - even warm ones. He knows he can always take it off but likes the comfort of being warm in the cooler mornings. One of them wears shorts most of the year but as it gets cooler he adds knee socks and long underwear. The youngest boy seems to think the more colors and patterns he throws together the warmer he will stay. Whatever your approach is to staying warm and comfy all year long in the northwest, a good base layer is a crucial part of any wardrobe.

I have covered my recommendations for a good top layer - the rain gear piece. Now let's discuss the bottom layer - equally important but not as sexy! There is really only one rule - NO COTTON! The material touching your little one's skin should wick moisture away and keep them warm. There are a lot of different makes and models out there but the materials that work best are wool, wool/silk blend, silk and polyester. The Waldorf preference is always going to be a natural fiber and I will discuss those first...but your budget may not fall on that side of the fence so I will also talk about synthetic options that work.

Wool

Wool long underwear has a lot of pros: it is breathable, warm in the winter, cool in the summer, wicks moisture from the skin, insulates even when wet, odor resistant, sustainable and a natural fiber. Its con list is pretty short: it is expensive. Some folks will say it is hard to take care of but in my experience merino long underwear is about the same to maintain as any synthetic I have used. There are several good brands of wool base layer. Here are the ones that I am familiar with.

Icebreaker

Icebreaker is a brand carried at REI, Cabelas, amazon. com and more. It is manufactured from New Zealand merino wool and is machine washable. Ours have been dried accidentally a few times and do not seem worse for the wear. I have found great deals on both REI outlet and Sierra Trading Post. My high-sensory boy loves this stuff and wears it top and bottom almost every day of the year.

Polarn O. Pyret

Polarn O. Pyret is a Swedish company committed to good-looking clothes that let children be children. They offer an immense and impressive selection of merino items for babies and children. Mittens, socks, long underwear, rompers, balaclavas and hats. You name it, they make it out of wool. Their rain gear is awesome, too! Their stuff is pricey, but they have fairly regular sales and everything I have purchased from them is very high quality.

Hocosa

Hocosa is a Swiss brand that offers wool and wool/silk (70/30) blend products.  Their products are widely available on amazon.com and several Waldorf websites. I have not personally used their products, but they come highly recommended. The wool/silk blend products work well for kids complaining of the "itchiness" of 100% wool products.

Silk

Silk is smooth and soft against the skin and as such is a great choice for those with really sensitive skin. That said, silk does not retain warmth as well when wet, is expensive, longer drying and may need to hand-washed. It is not the first choice for the northwest climate due to our frequent rain and almost constantly wet winters. It is certainly better than cotton, though, and if your child cannot bear wool or synthetic materials, this is a good choice. The brand that seems to consistently offer kid's long underwear in 100% silk is Thermasilk and it is available on amazon.com and campmor.com

Synthetic Fabrics

Polypropylene was first polymerized in 1954 and is the second most important plastic (based on revenues). It also keeps you warm and dry. If you cannot fit wool or silk into your budget then polypropylene or other polyesters will be your answer. Your child must have a thin, moisture-wicking, insulating layer, especially during the colder part of the year, and plastic is ready to step up and perform well. Most readily available long underwear sold by REI, LL Bean, Land's End and campmor.com is made of synthetic materials. Patagonia Capilene is an extremely high-quality synthetic line, but if you can afford it then you can afford wool :). The pros of synthetic base layers are: they are moisture wicking, easy to care for and affordable. The cons are: they are a petroleum based product and are prone to retaining odors.

What Items Does My Child Need?

Every child is different. And you know your child better than anyone. A good basic base layer stock includes 2-3 long-sleeved tops, 1-2 tank or sleeveless tops and 2-3 bottoms. If you know your child cannot tolerate sleeves, buy more tanks. If they are always cold, skip tanks altogether and buy an extra long-sleeved top. Buy everything a size up to get a little longer use and remember that you will also use these items when skiing, sailing, camping and hiking. Your child may also want to wear them for pajamas. These items will go on sale in the summer and that is a great time to stock up!

Here is a great link to REI's base layer comparison.

I hope this will help you find some clothing to help keep your child(ren) warm in all weather! Next topic will be Accessories (Hats, Gloves, Mittens and Socks)...

Happy Layering!

Waldorf Rain Gear for Seattle

The rains have come for the year and the boys are coming home with lots of wet and muddy rain gear and dirty, wet boots. Luckily, they are staying warm and dry (so far!) underneath it all. Here are my favorite brands, tips for saving money and what you can do to make sure your active little one stays dry!

Rain Boots

When it comes to keeping little toes warm and dry, there is really only one name in the game - BOGS! These boots have taken the industry by storm. They have rubber bottoms and neoprene uppers. They keep you dry and warm to -30 degrees F. They also have handy handles that make it easy for kids to put them on by themselves. So, what's the catch, right? Well, they run about $80 not including tax.

Moneysaving Tips

• Nordstrom usually has one or two styles of BOGS available at a reduced price for their Anniversary Sale in Late July.
• Check craigslist.com frequently for the next size or two your child will need.
• Check the local thrift and consignment shops.
• Check Sierra Trading Post and other discount/overstock websites.
• Google BOGS and looks for better deals.
• If forced to pay full price, buy from somewhere with a good return policy (Nordstrom, REI, amazon.com) and make sure you buy a color that any younger siblings can use as these will last 2-3 seasons minimum. You can also resell used boots you no longer need on craigslist for $20-30.

Other Boots

If for whatever reason you cannot deign to buy BOGS, here are some other boots that have worked well for me in the past.

 

LL Bean makes a great all-purpose rain boot. It will not keep your little one's toes warm...but they will be dry, they are durable, they have nice pull-on handles and have a reflective triangle on the heel. They also come in a large range of fun colors and sizes from toddler 5 up to big kid 3.






 Land's End makes my favorite snow boot. The large Velcro opening makes it easy for kids to get them on and off by themselves. They are warm, high quality and will last for several seasons.

Rain Gear

If your child is spending hours a day outside in all kinds of weather it is imperative to provide the right rain gear. The light-weight gear sold by LL Bean, Land's End, REI and Columbia are fine for a walk in the mist, but none of them will keep your little one dry in a downpour, especially if sliding down a muddy hill is involved. Here are some brands that are proven performers in all weather.

Abeko

Puddlegear by Abeko is a great option for rain gear.  Their gear is almost exclusively made in Europe, extremely durable, PVC and Phthalate free. Some of their pants come with large patches on the bum and on the knees that greatly increase the life of the pants. They also make great fleece-lined waterproof mittens that are favorites of kids.

Grundens

Grundens is a fishing company and their gear is made to work and last. It is spendy but worth the extra money spent. They sell rain pants and jackets in bold, bright colors. Like the Abeko, the pants have shoulder straps and elastic straps at the bottom of the legs to fit over boots. The jackets have hoods, but they are not removable. They do not offer mittens or hats for kids.

Polarn O. Pyret

Polarn O. Pyret is a Swedish company that offers great rain gear, other outerwear, a ton of merino items and also cute clothes. Their color options are limited (especially if you have a pink-loving girl) but they do have frequent sales and their gear is very high quality.  They have awesome waterproof hats and their waterproof mittens are the longest I have seen with great elastic snaps that keep them secure.

I think that about covers rain gear. Next topic will be base layer! I can hardly wait!

Happy Fall and get out there and splash in some puddles with your kids!

why i am leaving facebook (or killing my smart phone)

so it has been awhile since i posted. things have been a little crazy, then they were a little less crazy...but either way i didn't seem to ever have time to write. traber and i have been contemplating the future. the next few years...the next ten years. asking the big questions. usually after a couple drinks ;)

what is important? what could we live without? what are our family values?

we have very little free time, it seems, and much of it is spent tending to various "necessities" in front of a screen. for example, bills have to be paid...and it looks like i have a few messages on facebook. or let's unwind and watch an episode of parenthood...3 episodes later, hey wha' happened? checking email and getting sucked into upworthy. i know you know what i am talking about.

we are thinking about selling the tv. i have decided to trade in my smart phone for the simple virgin mobile phone simone was using. (sadly, i now know the east side well enough that i no long require the help of google maps...a sad, sad day). and when i really thought about my desire to get rid of my droid the top reason was facebook. yes, it is nice to be able to stay in touch with all of you in one convenient package. yes, it is tempting to stalk various semi-strangers without anyone knowing about it. yes, it is something to do while waiting at red lights, sitting in the waiting rooms, waiting for food to show up. but i can think of better ways to stay in touch. and when i am waiting - waiting for anything - there are usually human beings around that i could be interacting with...sometimes even the humans i love the most in the world.

you never know how many days you have left on this planet. you never know how many more minutes you have left with any one person. i do not want to look back at any more times that involve telling my 3-year-old to "wait just a minute" while i catch up on a facebook friend's workout check-in. that is not the mom i want to be. so, i will be disabling my facebook account. most of you know how to get a hold of me outside the evil empire...but if you do not, feel free to reach out to a mutual friend for my phone number (been the same for almost 15 years) or my email address. i would love to talk to you!

life skills

i have been doing a lot of preschool research the last couple of months. last year, when it was preschool decision time, i had a lot going on and sleep was not on that list. as such, i chose a school that was close, clean and affordable. the boys like their school and it meets their needs. but i decided to really do my research this year and see what i could find.

for anyone who has not been through the experience of shopping for preschools...it is INSANE! there is a great documentary on the process called "nursery university" that covers several families in manhattan. and seattle is not in the same league...but still the process is daunting. open houses, tours, applications, interviews. and this is once you have narrowed the list down to a reasonable number. and the tuition at some of these places! suffice to say, they offer financial aid.

not surprisingly, i have gravitated towards the hippy end of the spectrum - schools that treat kids as kids. places where the body and spirit are nourished as well as the mind. classes that involve getting dirty and rolling down hills.

my husband is a bit more pragmatic and requested some data on adults who attended these institutions and other like them (for grade school and high school). where are they now? are they happy? are they successful? i forwarded one of the documents provided on to him. his main concern after reading through the  information was that a majority of the students went on to soft sciences, art, teaching and the like. and this concern really got me thinking.

what is success? what is happiness? and is that really what we want for our children?

i think, for a lot of us, success equals money. ok, money and/or power. so, if i go with that definition of success, then yes, becoming a teacher is unlikely to lead to "success." certainly, going to engineering school or striving for an MBA would be a more direct route to "success." but i know that money ("success") doesn't equal happiness. at least, that is what i have been told over and over again, ad nauseam. now, i will allow that money is a sort of life lubricant. that is, it makes a lot of things easier and smoother. but since when was obtaining ANYTHING worth having EASY? and conversely, how much can you value something that was easy to come by? and in my limited, humble experience, the more stuff you have, the more stress you have.

nonetheless, it is very easy to fall into wanting my kids to be successful. well-known in their field, rich, happy and of course, extremely grateful to their parents for all they have done. but i find that as soon as i start thinking down this vein, i start thinking of all the steps along the way that need to be fulfilled for this to happen. and i start looking at my kids in a rather predatory fashion. is he smart enough? how is his hand-eye coordination? does he have what it takes? and so i think what a lot of us want for our kids is not for them to be successful and happy by their own standards, but rather that they end up successful and happy by ours.

i don't mean to imply that thinking about a child's education and future is a wholly selfish venture. i think part of the reason that i am in this quandary to begin with is that i love my kids so much and i want to give them the best start possible to what is hopefully a full and satisfying life. it is just that i am starting to focus on their soft skills a lot more than their ability to start sounding out sentences. empathy. respect...for themselves, for others, for our earth. self-control. passion for learning. and these are areas where i feel i fall short. i can teach them numbers and letters...but humility? patience? being a good listener? ha!

so we are looking at schools that cater to this need. is it cheating to pay someone else to help my children learn skills that i value but do not possess? maybe. is it worth it? i'm banking on it!

a new normal

the last couple of months have been a little rough around the edges. i quit drinking. i then proceeded to insert copious amounts of refined sugar into the slot previously allotted to alcohol. the boys are all going through a difficult phase (although, this seems to be a recurrent theme). and yet, things are getting easier. that is, i find that the husband and i seem to have a smidge of leisure time here and there. we managed to get current on glee. the wood from the two trees we cut down 7 months ago has been split and stacked. so...if things are getting easier and time is a bit freer...why have the past weeks been so difficult?

i was thinking about it and i realized that i feel like i am grieving. i have been angry, sad, resigned and a tad bitter. the hubs has mirrored these feelings. it occurs to me that we are grieving our past lives. i don't mean that in a reincarnation-i-was-a-rock-in-my-past-life kind of way. i mean our glorious-the-grass-is-always-greener-child-free lives. i know what you're thinking...your kids are over three years old...that is some strong denial. not really. anyone who has had a baby knows about the survival phase -- that lack-of-sleep induced fog that settles over you. drudgery spiked with occasional joy-filled moments. well, we had twins and then threw another one in the mix about a month after the boys started finally sleeping. so our fog was a bit extended.

and now that the mist has parted, the reality of the next 16.5 or so years look a bit daunting. and the bundles of joy have not gotten any cheaper. and the money tree we planted is STILL not producing. so there have been a lot of discussions about our priorities. and i discovered something really interesting. we can't do everything we want to do. and the things that we can do...well, sometimes we have to compromise a bit here and there. and it isn't just money holding us back. there also appears to be a precisely limited supply of time.

maybe you are now thinking that money and time were limited before you had your three kiddos, sweetheart. yes, that is true. but before the kids all the time and money was for us. remember that smidge of leisure time i alluded to earlier? how should i spend it? some well-deserved alone time? couple time to focus on our marriage and finding out if we still like each other? trying to give one of the kids some (much-needed) one-on-one time? with the whole family? since it is usually about 15 minutes, i can't very well split it 4 ways. and there is always the never-ending to-do list that beckons.

one of the things that has become really clear through all these discussions is that i need to simplify. i mean REALLY simplify. where did all this stuff come from? how much of if do i need? how much of it do i actually use? and where is all the money going? i see 2012 being a year of enormous change. i am planning a large garden and for some chickens. i am hopeful that the investment in time and materials will pay off in many ways -- lower food bills, better quality food, a shortened food chain and a lot of digging for the kids. i want to go through the house and have a major garage sale next spring. and i mean really thin the herd. i have too much stuff. i want to start knitting again. i am thinking that whenever i want sugar, i will knit instead. i am not sure anyone needs that many scarves, but...

what is really important? at the end of the day, the things that matter are our health and our happiness. do we have a roof over our heads? do we have warm clothes? do we have enough to eat? do we love each other? i know it sounds cliche. but there you have it. i came out of the fog and i am going to find those bluebirds and sunshine, goddammit!

book reviews

parenting books are a dime a dozen. and most of them just make me feel awful. in fact, one sleep book, which shall remain nameless, literally made me crazy when the twins were about 3 months old. here and there, though, i have stumbled across a gem. so to save you some time, here are some short synapses of my faves. i never agree with everything these books say...but there are things i find helpful in all of them. just like life, take what is useful and leave the rest.

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

disclaimer: i am a hippy. this is an AWESOME book to read while pregnant. not scary. not inflammatory. just a different view of birth. orgasmic births...need i say more. seriously, though, this woman is THE midwife and she has some pretty cool things to share with any pregnant woman.

What's Going on in There?

disclaimer: my husband loved this...i got the cliff note's version. written by a neuroscientist and mother of three, this book is packed with the latest research regarding brain development from conception to 5 years. what i love about this book is the complete lack of advice on things to do to make your kid smart. she just gives you the facts and she clearly knows what she is talking about. another good one to read when pregnant as she has a lot to say about prenatal care and choices.

Vaccinations: A Thoughtful Parent's Guide

written by a mother of four who also happens to be a midwife and herbalist, this book is a great place to start if you have any reservations or concerns about vaccinating your child. obviously, the author has an opinion, but she does a fairly good job of keeping it out of her book. this book was extremely interesting to read...not at all dry as i had feared. one at a time, she covers the history of the diseases, the history of the vaccines, the risks of the diseases and the risks of the vaccines. vaccinating is a hot topic...and i truly believe that there is no right answer, only a choice that works for you and your family.

Louise Bates Ames books

Louise Bates Ames has a book for each year of a child's life from birth to nine years old. they were written in the late 70's/early 80's...but they are chock full of wonderful tidbits. and the retro baby pictures are pretty entertaining :). ok, so some of the info is dated, but her real focus is what the child is doing developmentally and behaviourally and that just hasn't changed in the last thirty years. quick reads and well worth the time!

NurtureShock

it is not really fair to call this a parenting book. it is more like a book about parenting. a lot of random research about a lot of random topics with no transitions in between. i am pretty ADD, so i guess that appeals to me. and seriously, this book is an eye-opener. everything from race to television to praise to the gifted programs is touched on with a candor that is refreshing and it is all backed up with the latest studies. be prepared to reassess some things.

Siblings Without Rivalry

not too much to add to the title. great basic book. like many of the good parenting books i have read, it explained a lot about my childhood and my parents. i always feel contrite after reading a book like this. not necessarily full of advice...but a lot of good information.

Kids Are Worth It

the author of this one started out thinking she would become a nun and ended up as the mother of three. this was a random thrift store find and it really hit home for me. a lot of the stuff will apply more as the kids age, but there are things i am already applying now. this book is compassionate, practical and firm. just like a good parent.

Beyond Time-out

having read several books on the topic of discipline, i found this my favorite. a lot of good tips and they apply starting at about 2-3 years. some of her stuff is a little intense, but kids can get a little intense, too! again, a compassionate and practical approach, helpful and easy to incorporate into my life.

Brain Rules for Baby

normally, i am not a fan of the "what can i do to raise a smarter child" take on a book. but the author used to direct the talaris institute; he really knows what he is talking about. that and he kind of starts off the book reprimanding "those" parents. there is a lot of overlap with nurtureshock. but it comes from a different angle. again, this may be a perspective changer.

Cooking for the Whole Family

written by a local seattle author, this is a great cookbook for the busy mom. i love it and have yet to try a recipe i don't love. every recipe has a suggestion on how to feed it to your infant or toddler. a good general whole foods approach to eating. it is not gluten-free or dairy-free, but i have been able to make simple changes (always easier when you are starting with whole foods!) to make most of the recipes work for us.


those are the my favorites so far...i would love to hear about the books that work for you and your family!

retrospective

sometimes i don't feel like myself. in many ways, since i became a mom, i don't recognize the person i have become. some of this is good -- i have infinitely more patience with my kids than i ever thought possible. some of it is not so good -- the ease with which i can rationalize that second glass of wine (i really earned it today...). and while becoming a parent is bound to change a person, and enrich life and teach tons of meaningful lessons...it can be disheartening to see my identity slipping away.

i am not an impulsive person. that is to say, i like to have a plan. and lists. i love lists. with kids, though, things rarely go according to plan. if it isn't the weather making it impossible to follow through on the trip to the zoo, then one of the kids is sick or a huge blowout causes everything to be delayed by the time it takes to hose said child off in the tub. and meals can be planned a week in advance, but there is no plan that i know of that guarantees that any of those meals will be eaten by all three kids. so i have become more flexible. sometimes i even decide on a whim that we should go to the park. and stop at taco time on the way home for mexi-fries. ooooooh, living on the edge.

i used to pride myself on being able to go from asleep in bed to driving to work in under 15 minutes (including a shower). now i allocate 25 minutes for just going from playing in the living room to everyone buckled into their car seats. and that assumes no poopy diapers. one diaper to change from cloth to paper. one pull up to check (do you need to go potty?), one child to sit on the toilet. three snacks to pack. three waters to grab, three pairs of shoes to find and assist with donning (mom, i want to wear flip flops), three jackets to pick out and assist with (mom, i want to wear a vest...no the green vest) and everyone out the door, past the toys in the garage...i miss my alarm clock. and feeling self-sufficient. i used to travel so light.

i loved to cook. i loved planning a meal, shopping for all the best quality ingredients, spending hours in the kitchen preparing, sauteing, roasting, cleaning up. and i really loved sitting down and savoring a meal made with love. i can safely say i manage to sit down for meals as long as i am not the one cooking them...but savoring hasn't happened outside of date night in three years. i still search for high quality ingredients, and i still spend hours in the kitchen each day. but it has lost it shine. it is hard to feel pride over a microwaved amy's gluten-free burrito. but, hey, i washed and cut the grapes myself! i hope that as the boys get a little bit older, i will be freed up to spend a little more time planning and creating meals i can be proud of once again. in the meantime, i really think i deserve another glass of wine.

one thing about my personality has not changed. i have always had a hard time living in the present. the ability to appreciate what is happening in the now has always evaded me. a frequent conversation between my husband and me starts with: " it gets easier, right?" while i have made some improvement when the boys are all playing and enjoying themselves -- it is hard not get caught up with their enthusiasm, most of the time i really am thinking about that mythical, mystical light at the end of the tunnel. our new mantra is "next year." as in next year camping will be so much fun. next year the flight to georgia won't be such a struggle. next year they will all be potty trained. and on and on. but, i think it is a prime example of be careful what you wish for. before we know it, they will be off doing their own things. they won't need us. and how sad will that be? well, i will just try to play more and think about that time less. easier said than done...

before enlightenment - chop wood, carry water. after enlightenment - chop wood, carry water.

big milestone today. HUGE. one of my three year olds, while at the park, told me he had to poop. and he held it until i rounded all three of them up, schlepped to the bathroom and got him on the potty! i was feeling pretty much like i had made it to the next level when the other one pooped in his undies. that is one pair of thomas the tank engine undies that will not be coming home with us...

why is parenting always two steps forward, three steps back? sometimes i feel like the world's largest hamster. running, running, running and getting nowhere fast!

the only absolute i have found to be true in parenting is that anything you said you would never do...you will eventually do. i swore i would not bribe my children to use the toilet. not with m&m's, not with stickers. i have, of course, eaten those words and the boys are now rewarded with an ice pop (100% juice) for each successful poop. i just got tired of dealing with all of their shit. literally. and i think parenting can be summed up in one sentence. you do what you have to do.

take the bathroom. once i had children, it became my sanctuary. that may sound strange...but it is true. i usually close the door and have 2-3 minutes of alone time whenever i visit the little girls' room. and sometimes i actually have to go.

this makes me appreciate the bathroom on a different level. i have realized that there are very,very few situations in life when escaping to the powder room is a huge faux pas. you probably wouldn't want to do it while in the middle of your vows or during an important interview...but otherwise, you can pretty much always count on the excuse of nature's call to get a few moments to yourself. take some deep breaths (granted, this is not always desirable, especially in a public restroom...but sometime necessary). regroup. find center. it is life's built in meditation time. and quite possibly parenting three small children has forced me to take multi-tasking to an extreme. nonetheless, those small breaks interspersed in my day are sometimes what make it bearable and keep my children alive. and as a bonus, i find i drink more water.

crossed wires

this past weekend, we headed out for our camping warm up of the season. the farm we support for our local farm box was holding its annual camp out. this is our third year receiving delicious produce from this farm and each year they have held this event and each year i have wanted to attend. finally, this year, the stars aligned and the weekend worked with the rest of our busy summer agenda. it was a friday/saturday gig...but since the boys' third birthday was friday, we opted for just a one day stay.

friday, during nap, the hubby and i are packing up the car, attaching the roof box, planning meals, etc and i decide to pop inside to see what the drive to the farm looks like. see, this whole time i was under the impression that it was about an hour away...and, well, no. actually, it is two hours away. hmmmm. okay, well that is a lot of driving for one night, but we really want to see where all that yummy food is coming from and support the farm. i am trying to figure out what the weekend costs when i discover that this camp out is actually sponsored by a local record label and some of their bands will be performing. that sounds cool...the boys love music.

we elect to pack light -- no super yard, no firewood, no canopies -- since it will just be one night away. we get underway as soon as we are done with breakfast and we have packed the final items. we are on the road right on schedule and discussing what the camping situation will look like on a 30-acre farm. we decide that no matter what we have pictured in our heads, it will no doubt be completely wrong. oh, how right we were.

fast forward two hours. the boys have been troopers, but they are starting to get antsy. the weather is clear and sunny and heating up. we arrive at the farm at the peak of the heat, right around 2pm. we turn into the "parking lot" aka field and notice right away that the cars are parked there and the tents are anywhere from 50-500 yards from the cars. oh my. we didn't pack that light. also, it is about 85 degrees (the warmest day so far this year) and other than the orchard, there is very little shade in sight. our tent is only slightly smaller than our house and there is no way it would fit in between the rows of any orchard. we spot some shade, but it is about a 200 yard hike from the car...

by the time everything is shuttled from the car to the shady spot, the boys are hot and cranky, the husband is hot and cranky and i am just glad i didn't get up for the 5:30am boot camp because i have just gotten quite a work out. we get the tent set up and about this time we take a few minutes to check out our neighbors. they seem pretty hippy-ish...but that is normal for campers and farm lovers, right? we decide to wander over to the area where the farm is cooking up some of their produce for sale. it is about now that it clicks for us. we are not at a farm-open-house-family-camp-out camp out. this is about the music. and drugs. and drinking. this is a music festival that happens to be at a farm. oh, shit. the porta potties have no toilet paper. there are people passed out anywhere there is shade. there are very few children. and the music is getting louder. but it is folksy bluesy rock and actually pretty good. ok. let's assess. we have a shady spot pretty far from the "stage." the boys have their own potty. there is a campsite tear down and a two-hour drive between us and home. and they have tamales and beans and rice for sale. we are sure it will be fine. we will just avoid the orchard where the attendants are attempting to fumigate the crops with pot smoke.

we have dinner and make our way back to our tent. the boys seem to be enjoying themselves and the hubby and i pour ourselves a drink. none of the kids took a nap and are getting tired...but it is still broad daylight. we spend the next hour and a half getting the kids to sleep. this involves a major nosebleed from one of them, a couple of poopy diapers, some internal damage to the tent, a music genre change to death metal punk and the neighbors roasting a bowl of their own. charming.

finally, the bleeding stops, some folk comes on, the chilldren are all asleep. we pour another round and seek out our (most likely stoned) neighbors, who appear to be part of one of the bands. how late does the music go? innocent question. 2am. are you fucking serious? yes and the last act is loud and crazy. fan-fucking-tastic. well, what can be done? we pour another drink, take our own toilet paper to the porta potties and head off to bed. where we both lie awake until 2am. but, the kids all sleep through the night. no shit!

not much else to tell...we get up, we pack, we get the hell out of dodge. but while my husband is ferrying supplies to the car and i am cleaning up from breakfast, a woman approaches carrying a baby, a bottle and a pan. she wants to know if i can heat up her homemade raw goat's milk formula for her 8-month-old son, salamander. and that was as close to family-camp out that this camping trip was going to come. time to head back to the real world. next weekend we are camping with our local multiples group, and i am fairly confident that the experience will be the other end of the spectrum. it will be a very welcome change!

a day in the life...

days like today remind me to focus on my mantra -- this too shall pass -- early and often. it's just that in this business the climate can change at the drop of a hat. with no notice. it is a fickle, precarious vocation. just yesterday, i was feeling content, capable, caring and even a touch carefree. by nap today, i had apologized to the kids for various parenting faux pas (yelling, crankiness, etc.) at least three times.

it all started with an early start this morning. even so, breakfast goes well and i decide to take the boys on a walk and try to find some ripe blackberries. i pile them all in the wagon, grab a berry receptacle and head out. now basil, our kitty, likes to take walks with us. this may sound endearing. however, i assure you, when i am already trying to keep three charges safe from harm, a fourth is not really what i need. nonetheless, he decides to join us today for our berry-picking adventure. i do indeed find a good patch of berries and the boys are content to hang in the wagon, munching berries while i pick enough for a small crisp (note to self, next time bring TWO receptacles). i see the cat wander into the yard across the street right around the same time that the sit-still-on-the-side-of-the-road limit is reached with the wee ones. i head towards home, plying the boys with more berries (watching my crisp get smaller by the minute) to keep them still. i call to basil to no avail and since we are on a pretty busy road i am a little concerned to leave him, but the natives are restless so i continue homeward. i tell the boys we are going to have to rescue basil as soon as we get home.

i get home, buckle everyone into the car and head back to retrieve my cat. all told it takes several drive-bys, a trip back to the house to get some cat food and bowl, more drive-bys and finally me looking like an idiot on the side of the road dropping cat food into a bowl all the while calling quite loudly to locate the little rat. mission accomplished...

we head home...now to accurately set the stage for the next phase of my day you should know that i am in the throes of potty training. this is something i have been alternately dreading and anxiously awaiting for, oh, about three years. i have no formal training, no manuals and it feels roughly as though i have been thrust into the cockpit of a 747 and told that i should take her down nice and easy. riiiiiiiiiight. and according to freud if i don't handle this right there will be long-standing psychological ramifications. great. in fact, the only thing i have on my side is that i have been cloth diapering since day one and i am no stranger to dealing with poop on a regular basis. i wouldn't exactly call that an advantage, if you know what i mean.

i started down this path in the same manner i start down most of my major-life-decision paths -- impulsively, naively and only minimally prepared. for example, when i decided the boys would be wearing undies except when sleeping, i owned exactly 6 pairs of size 2/3 boys briefs. for two almost 3-year-olds for whom the potty was a new acquaintance. yeah...doing laundry 3 times a day is totally practical. and i decided to let them pee at random outside...which resulted in the unfortunate attempt to POOP off the deck. so anyway, that gives you an idea of where i am since this all started less than two weeks ago.

so back to today. we are all safely home. no one has had an accident...which is good considering we were just in the car (oops). i am pretty hopped up on adrenaline from my gutsy rescue mission. and the boys want me to make the crisp. or rather they want to "help" me make the crisp. awesome. okay, let's do it. does anyone have to use the potty. no. no one has to use the potty. crisp in the oven. time to start lunch. does anyone need to sit on the potty? no, no, no. two minutes pass. two boys pee in their undies. i attempt, unsuccessfully, to not say "i just asked you two minutes ago if you needed to go in the potty!" continue on with lunch. a poop in the undies. just a tiny little turd. do you still need to go poop? no! are you sure you don't want to just sit on the potty and see? no, there is not more poop in my bum! two minutes pass. mom, i pooped in my undies... shocking. finish lunch sit everyone down for lunch. everyone wants crisp for lunch. no, no crisp for lunch. after lunch my other son won't get up. did you poop in your undies? yes. friggin spectacular. and finally, after i have gotten him cleaned up and i am in the middle of everyone's favorite task of swishing poopy undies around in poopy water in the toilet i am informed that the other one went poop and i seriously say to myself, in the bathroom, that i cannot take another minute of this when i realize that this time the poop is in the potty and this is the first time he has pulled down his own pants and pooped in the potty on his own and my heart soars. i am ecstatic. i am holding dripping poopy undies. and i need to get out more.

clarity

yesterday, while the boys played in the sandbox, i had an extremely poignant parenting moment. it was an insignificant thing, really...but the implications far-reaching. nash was digging with a yellow shovel -- the little cheap ones that come free with a pail -- when it unexpectedly broke in two. he looked down at the two pieces in his hands and got a very determined look on his face. i immediately knew what he intended to do and it literally broke my heart. sure enough, he spent a little time maneuvering to the edge of the sandbox, backed his way down to the chips, pushed himself up to standing and toddled directly over to me. once at his destination, he held the two pieces out and looked at me expectantly. in that moment, it occurred to me what it is to be a parent. it is a series of moments like these. moments when you watch your child fail, fall, lose, choose poorly, get hurt or err and you know you cannot (and/or should not) fix it. all you can do is be there. support them. maybe share some unheeded wisdom. and wipe the tears away. like i said, it broke my heart. but at the same time, it was soothing. it felt right.

i walked nash back to the sandbox and showed him how to use the little shovel without its handle and we went on about our day.

the eye of the beholder

i have never worn a bikini. and having twins has pretty much ensured that i never will. and while i am okay with that consequence of child-bearing, there are parts of it i struggle with daily. i have heard mothers call their stretch marks "love marks" and state that with every additional mark they "earned," they loved their unborn child that much more. i have a hard time joining in with that sort of mentality. not that i don't love my offspring. i do. deeply. but i cannot say, for me, there is any connection between my love for them and the devastated remains of my abdominal region.

last week, i went to visit a high end medi-spa on the east side. the doctor there had been recommended to me by my brother due to his skill using smart lipo. my brother should know; he sells the lasers used in the procedure. i won't bore you will the details of "laser lipo," as it is called...but suffice to say it involves melting and sucking out excess fat while stimulating collagen production that causes tightening in the affected area to occur. yumm-o, right? so the fat loss is not my goal...i can do that on my own with diet and exercise (at some point in the future when i want to watch my diet and i have time to exercise, ha ha) and some dedication. but the tightening angle was worth checking out and learning more about.

i arrived at the medi-spa right on time. it is located inside of a high-end sports club i have never been to and i wasn't sure where to go. the girl working the front desk was young, perky and helpful. as such, i found her a little annoying. nonetheless, she directed me to the spa and said someone would escort me to the medi-spa. escort me? what was this, the fbi? so i headed to the spa where a clone of the girl at the front desk took my name and informed me that hugo "would be right down" to show me the way. hugo arrived as promised and, while flirting with every employee on the way, took me up to the medi-spa. it was quite tucked away and i was not at all sure i could find my way there again. i was starting to feel a bit like alice, just in a much posher rabbit hole.

upon arrival, i was ushered into a highly decorated room with a comfy chair, textured-wallpapered walls and what looked like a facial chair in the middle of the room. the lights were slightly dimmed. the girl who showed me in was also young and thin...but not quite as perky. she seemed pretty down to earth and i liked her. i told her what i was after - tightening in the tummy region and she took a look. we chatted and then the doctor came in.

now, i know i am in denial about getting older. i still wear hoodies and all-stars and pig tails. i rarely wear makeup and don't mind getting dirty. in short, i still feel like a kid most of the time. when the doctor walked in i knew i was old. he was trim, fit and sporting a burberry sweater and black emo glasses. he truly did not look old enough to shave. clearly, he has been sampling some of the botox he offers in his clinic. his bedside manner was just right for the majority of his clientele. he was quiet, tactful and spoke with a slight valium-induced accent. he efficiently informed me that i could benefit from a tummy tuck, although the smart lipo would make me look a lot better in my clothes. it was all a little surreal.

it got me thinking. what is beauty? who defines it? how do we respond to that definition? and, honestly, it made me glad to have three sons and no daughters.

i have never considered myself a plastic surgery person. i still don't think that a tummy tuck is in my future. i am on the fence about the lipo. i am on the fence about my ideas that surround my body.

of course, if i go with the lipo...i'll look a lot better in my clothes on that fence. hmmmmm.

radical forgiveness

the other day i was reading a book recommended to me by my therapist called "radical forgiveness". now self-help isn't really my bag and this book in particular was a little woo-woo for me, but the guy had an interesting concept. i won't get this exactly right...but the premise was that you should forgive because every wrong done to you is actually a gift. kind of a when one door closes thing. and i like that. of course, liking something and putting it into practice are two completely different things. i think, though, that i can see the logic quite clearly when i look at the food issues in our home.

when the twins were 5 months old, we discovered that one of them had an intolerance to dairy. he wasn't going to die from it, but he had some pretty nasty eczema and blocked tear ducts. so we changed the supplemental formula he was getting and i cut dairy out of my diet. about 6 months later, we realized that the other twin had a gluten issue. again, nothing major...a pinprick rash on his trunk. we decided it would be easiest to cut out dairy and gluten for both of them. somewhere along the line, my husband decided to cut out gluten and just see. guess what? he was a much happier person without wheat! i mean, a different person. and eventually, when our third was not sleeping for shit, i cut out gluten out of sheer desperation. since i was already dairy free, going gluten free felt like quite a sacrifice...but since no one else in the house could eat it...it actually simplified things. and guess what? i have a gluten issue. who knew??!?

now back to the radical forgiveness portion of the show...i honestly feel that my kids' allergies were the best thing that could have happened to our family as far as food goes. people often ask me what on earth i feed them...i feed them food. not edible food-like substances (thank you, michael pollan) but actually whole foods. they eat meat (bacon is a favorite around here!). they eat vegetables. they eat fruit. they eat beans and nuts and seeds. their diet is pretty paleo. and they are pretty hardy! there are days that i long for the convenience of macaroni and cheese (one can eat the macaroni and one can eat the cheese...yuck yuck yuck) or chicken nuggets or pizza. but most days i am happy that i don't have the option to shortcut the food that they put into their bodies. i spend a lot of time in the kitchen and we spend a lot of money on food...but i think that it is all worth it at the end of the day.

is there anything more important than what we choose to fuel our lives with? is there anything more fundamental and primal than food? maybe water and air...but not a lot of choice there, really. the boys eat three meals and one snack a day. i would say that they spend about 3 hours a day eating (and playing with their food and throwing it and...) and that works out to about 30% of their waking hours. i really am grateful that they spend that large chunk of their lives eating high quality fare. i wish i could say the same for myself. i constantly goal myself to eat what the boys eat. and for that matter, to take the time it takes them to eat...instead of wolfing my food down while standing at the island preparing their next meal. i feel like i could be a better model for them. maybe once i am done radically forgiving the universe for their food issues...i can work on radically forgiving myself for not being perfect. i'll keep you posted!

breastfeeding - why is it so hard?

i just weaned my youngest. i didn't really mean to do it. i mean, yeah, i was planning on weaning him soon...but the exact day just sort of happened. we were busy. then it was nap time and bedtime and he hadn't nursed. so i went with it. it hit me yesterday (day 4) that i hadn't cherished the final nursing session we shared. i don't even remember anything about it. i was so busy planning the practical side of weaning him that i completely forgot about the emotional side - the nurturing, the bonding, the shared moments. and that is exactly what makes breastfeeding so hard, in my mind. it is physical and practical and necessary...and yet, it is sweet and comforting and moving. oh, and the hormones.

i always knew i wanted to breastfeed my kids. and when i found out i was pregnant with twins that didn't change; i just thought it was a good thing it wasn't triplets. i bought in hook line and sinker to the concept that it is natural and therefore easy as pie. have you ever made a pie? it is not easy. and neither is breastfeeding. in fact, i would say that during the first three months of the twins' lives it was the most stressful part. latching, nipple shields, pumping, leaking, engorgement, pumping, supply issues, slow feeders, huge right boob, pumping, little left boob, pumping. and more than anything: the unknown! how much were they getting???

so, i have my million dollar idea. i am going to invent a device that fits over the breast, doesn't interfere at all with breastfeeding, but tells you in ounces (or mL) the milk consumed. simple, but brilliant, right?? seriously, at $49.95 a pop it wouldn't take any time at all to rack up my first mill. you know you want one!

so back to the uneven boob situation. i hear it is super common. i called mine the fire hose and the little boob that could. and i can tell you that one of them has fared much better through the process. do you think a plastic surgeon would consider a one-sided lift? would it cost half as much?

and the bane of every nursing mom - pumping. my god. it has to be a man that invented that contraption. nursing twins already made me feel like a dairy cow...but add in the hospital grade pump attached on both sides, wheezing away and i felt like moo-ing some days. i discovered the wonder of the hand pump with my youngest and that proved quite a bit more manageable, somehow. maybe because i didn't always have two children attached at the boob...there was occasionally a vacancy sign flashing. of course, i should consider myself lucky that all three of my boys readily took to the bottle. i am always in awe of the mothers who cannot get their wee ones to hit the bottle.

it gets easier, right? in some ways, yes. once the latch is down pat, the engorgement issues are under control and breast pads are not longer needed in bed it seems to settle down. look how simple it is. nothing to take with me when i leave the house...nothing to wash or sanitize...nothing to buy. easy-peasy! except right around that time (usually 3-4 months in) supply takes a dip. so now what? my first remedy was lots of water and fenugreek. it didn't help and i reeked of fake maple syrup. ewwww. now of course, they say to pump constantly! but is la leche going to send over a full-time nanny in order to save my poor children from the horrors of organic formula? i don't think so. thus, with great heaviness of heart, the one bottle a day of supplementation began.

you know what it comes down to with breastfeeding? you do what you can. and that is all you can do.

for some moms, that means going straight for the formula. for others, it means pumping exclusively for a year. and for me it meant supplementing a bottle a day until we started solids. like any decision made that veers from original intent, it stings. it feels like failure. a compromise. and these decisions are a compromise. a compromise between ideals and sanity. it's called reality.

what i wouldn't give to need an alarm clock

becoming a parent has impacted every facet of my life. it is hard to remember what life used to be like. what did i do with all that spare time?!? and what was it like to get a full night's sleep every night? my life feels like it is no longer my own. it has been transferred, in perpetuity, to my offspring. don't get me wrong. i wouldn't change it for anything. but, still, the occasional daydream persists. i awake, on my own, at some time in the morning. i stretch lazily. what shall i do today...and so forth. or just doing anything in my day without the feeling that i must rush. the irony is that before i had kids i never stretched lazily and i rushed around by choice. i admit i feel a bit cheated. of course,  there is no one to blame except myself (wholly unsatisfying).

and i feel like my relationships have fallen victim as well. which relationships? all of them. the one with my husband. the ones with my family. the ones with my friends. even the cats. having kids is just a life-changing event. no way around that one. i popped out a baby, popped out another one 22 minutes later and WHAM my life as i knew it was shattered. nothing to do but pick up the pieces, change a diaper, change another diaper and carry on. and this new life has a lot of sweetness in it, interspersed with the bitter, sour and poopy.

i don't miss working. i do, however, miss the feeling of accomplishment when completing a task. i loved crossing things off my list at work, the pleasure of checking the little boxes. i mean, i guess i could draw up lists now...but somehow folding ANOTHER load of laundry doesn't present quite the same challenge. my new job is challenging, make no mistake, but in a very different way. nothing i do in the course of the day is hard. none of it is intellectually stimulating. but it is constant. from the 6am wake up call to the 7:45 tuck-in i am on. and that constant need for attentiveness is tiring. and the whining is mind-numbing. the whining stops at some point, right?

my husband and i made a commitment to a weekly date night when the twins were born. we have been consistent about it and i think it is the reason we are still married. still, three kids in two years wears on a marriage. sleep deprivation starts to undermine even the best of intentions. when the work required to keep the house going takes more than two people to complete it, things can get dicey. the other day, my husband made the comment that it would be nice if we could put the kids into hibernation for 36 hours now and then. he is so right. all couples need some alone time. and not just 3 hours once a week away from the house. we used to do projects together. build a fence. refinish windows. rewire the garage. now, when something like that needs doing, he spends his weekend working on it and i spend my weekend just like i spend my week, watching the kids alone. and, guess what, we both feel like we got the short end of the stick. but that is the way of it when you raise your kids distant from any family.

i don't know if you can tell, but the fog is starting to clear and i am getting used to getting 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night. hopefully, this post is less disjointed than the last one. i do see a light at the end of the tunnel. and more and more i am confident that it isn't a train coming at me, but actually the end of the tunnel.

GUILT (or, the real reason parents don't sleep at night)

it occurred to me recently that i have completely screwed up on the potty front. and since i currently have three in diapers the realization hit me pretty hard. just one more thing to feel guilty about, i guess. i was raised catholic, so i am no stranger to guilt. parenting, however, takes the whole thing to a new level. if you aren't feeling bad due to the lack of balance in your child's diet, you are worrying about their performance (or lack thereof) at music class or grappling with the amount of sleep they are getting. it feels like there are an insurmountable number of things to worry about. and to further complicate matters, most of the issues have no right answer.

so in no particular order, here are some issues i worry about or that i hear others worry about:

food: this is a big one. organic? everything or just the dirty dozen. vegetarian? vegan? local? seasonal? what about high fructose corn syrup?? allergies? they aren't eating enough dinner. they snack all day long. they would live on macaroni and cheese. he will only eat white stuff. she won't eat anything green. playing with food. throwing food. food fights. we never sit down for a family dinner. i feel like a short order cook. we waste sooooo much food. should i store food in glass or plastic? what about plastic plates? are they bpa free??

was it like this for our parents? i wonder that a lot. i mean, my grandmother had 9 children in 12 years. she couldn't have done that if it was this hard, right? or are we just wimps these days? i don't think so. i think that the information age is crushing our spirit. knowledge is power? maybe. but i feel like the more i know the more i have to worry about. i try to keep it simple. we have four rules for food: no high fructose corn syrup, no preservatives, no artificial colors or flavors and organic when practical. i read omnivore's dilemma by michael pollan while i was pregnant the first time and it opened my eyes. but again, it has been a blessing and a curse.

drinks: milk? soymilk? almond? hemp? rice? what about juice? water it down? how much? he is still using a bottle. but only at night. if i give her milk, she won't eat her dinner. are they getting enough liquids? bpa, again?!? i know they need to learn to drink out of a cup, but what a mess!

two of my three have dairy issues, so we are a water only family. but, i see a lot of my friends struggle with milk. i was never a big milk drinker and i am not sure if i would have gone the milk route either way. not having it as an option sure puts more pressure on the food concerns. milk is an extremely dense, calorie rich food. there are times i wish i could just give my kids milk for dinner. believe me.

pacifiers: i swore i would never use one. the dentist said it was no big deal...it helps her sleep. it makes car rides so much smoother. what age is old enough? only in the crib? traveling? my parents hate it!

i am not sure how it would have gone if i had only had one the first time around, but all the boys had a pacifier for at least a few months. my oldest for over two years. taking it away was way harder on me than it was for him. i worried about it for a whole month. guilt again. in the end, we all have to do what works for our family. i never saw anyone using a pacifier in school...so everyone must give theirs up eventually :)

sleep: routine...what routine? family bed? brushing teeth is a battle every night. it takes them over an hour to fall asleep. i rock them to sleep. i nurse him to sleep. she sleeps in her stroller. are they getting enough sleep? he's skipping his nap, but still seems to need one. i'm still up twice a night. cy it out? sleep books are making me crazy!

i don't think there is a single bigger issue in early parenting than sleep. it is a double whammy - the battle of getting them to sleep while your sleep is at an all time low. and seriously, the books out there will make you feel horrible. in the end, what worked for me was realizing that each and every child is an individual and sleeps differently. and when i say worked for me, i mean that i still have three living offspring, not that i started getting more sleep. i mean, my twins weren't on the same nap schedule for 9 months and two out of three weren't sleeping through the night until well over a year. it is about survival.

temperament: he's so shy. she will go up to anyone..and i mean anyone. he's been hitting kids. she can't share. they are so sensitive to everything - sounds, flavors, textures. she needs a lot of reassurance. i can't even leave the room with a tantrum. they are fighting over everything.

my husband and i are both introverts. so no big surprise we ended up with at least two. i am pretty sure our youngest is going to be an extrovert. and to be honest i am not sure how best to support this. i worry every day about the fact that our twins (who will be three in a couple months) don't say hi or bye to people. and they ignore people's questions. and they are slow to warm up to new people and environments. i covet the outgoing chatty children who greet every stranger with a cheery "hi!" and a smile. and i wonder constantly about nature/nurture. am i unwittingly programming my children to be the way they are? don't get me wrong. my children are amazing in so many ways...but i know we all have things we worry about, right?

and i guess if there is a point to my random ramblings it is this: give yourself a pat on the back. seriously, make a commitment to do it every day. you are working so hard to do the best you can at an extremely difficult job with no manual and very little training. some of you are doing it alone. some of you are doing it with no family to support you. some of you are dealing with kids with special needs. it is exhausting. it is expensive. it is just so much to worry about. so try to take a few minutes every day to think about the best part of the day. the bubble mountain the kids made in the tub. or the clean plate at lunch. or the spontaneous hug. or the spontaneous thank you. the smiles. the laughs. the moments that make it worth it. and give yourself some credit for making those moments possible.

sleep deprivation is not for the faint of heart

i never dreaded labor and delivery. ask my friends. it is true. that said, i know i am not the norm. most women look towards the upcoming birth with a mixture of apprehension, fear and curiosity. there are 10 week classes that most of us signed up for and religiously attended that deal with this amazing and unique experience. and while i think that is cool, i find it ironic. while labor and delivery will take 24-48 hours, being a parent will take 18 years, and yet there is very little time or energy spent preparing new parents for what happens to their world when they leave the hospital (or birthing center...or maybe you never left home at all to have your bundle of joy!).

oh, there are plenty of books out there. the parenting section at any book store is filled to overflowing with well-meaning tomes. i have read a few. for the most part, i suggest parents steer clear of all parenting books. why? they will make you CRAZY! and with severe lack of sleep and wacky hormones (or a partner with wacky hormones) you don't need any help in that department.

ok, so we all have that friend whose baby slept through the night at 2 weeks and has been sleeping 12 hours a night since then. maybe you are that person. if that is the case, no need to read the rest of this post and please don't tell me about it as i may be tempted to strangle you.

part of the reason i started this blog is, after nearly 3 years, i am getting 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night. i am scared to post this as i am pretty sure i will jinx myself. and i feel kind of weird and jet lagged. my thoughts are discombobulated...so i am sorry if this post is a bit disjointed. even though i knew some day i would sleep again, now that it is finally here, it doesn't seem real. it hasn't sunk in yet. i should be exercising with this new found energy and outlook, but instead i am going to pour out my thoughts to you. it feels equally cathartic and i don't have to shower at the end.

lack of sleep can have a huge impact on your life. i know this sounds like common sense, but when you are in the midst of severe sleep deprivation, it can be hard to see the forest for the trees. coming out the fog these last few weeks, i have found myself in several nit-picking snits with my husband. i was confused at first as it would seem we only have reason to celebrate. it occurs to me, though, that we have been in sheer survival mode for a LONG time. nit-picking does not fall high on the list of things to do to survive. suddenly, with more energy and a renewed desire to do more than the bare minimum, some old rifts have resurfaced. i take it as a good sign. we are no longer walking in place!

i was speaking to a dear friend this morning about how out of it i feel now that i am sleeping a normal amount. i was wondering how long it would take to feel "normal" again. but there really ins't a normal to go back to...i just have to find a new normal. and now, finally, i have the energy to do just that!

20 facts about parenting

my husband and i feel that we were tricked. when we were pregnant the first time, everyone was so happy and excited for us. sure a few people mentioned the sleepless nights in a romantic kind of way...but overall it was pure bluebirds and sunshine. i can assure you that being a parent is not bluebirds or sunshine. so, i have compiled a list of things that i would have like to have known prior to embarking on my journey...

1. as a parent, you are expected to work harder than you ever have in your life, 7 days a week, for no pay...and with very very little sleep. oh, and make sure you are smiling for the customers.
2. there is no reciprocity in being a parent. i don't mean that it isn't rewarding or that there aren't moments that melt your heart. as a parent you are air, you are sky. you are amazing, omnipresent and irreplaceable...and 100% taken for granted.
3. all of the sudden you come last. after your kids and your spouse and the pets, for the love of pete. but, you have to put yourself first in order to be there for everyone. and the conflict between these two diametrically opposed concepts leads to guilt, confusion and no small amount of drinking.
4. guilt. enough said.
5. there are soooooo many dumb things people say that have no socially acceptable answers. for example: enjoy these moments, they go so fast. or wow, you really have your hands full! or, my personal favorite...welcome to being a parent. no shit, sherlock.
6. personal hygiene takes a back seat. showering is no longer a daily event. and why change your clothes? they will just soon be covered in spit-up/drool/poop/other bodily fluid anyway. and makeup? really?
7. you will smell your child's butt to see if they are poopy. accept it.
8. you will never go to the bathroom again...you will go potty, however. and very rarely will you be alone.
9. you will live on the leftovers on your kids' high chair trays and somehow gain weight.
10. raffi will be on most of the time and you will be singing along...and the songs will be stuck in your head. willoughby, walleby, wee...
11. you will become your parents. this may depress you, this may relieve you...
12. your kids will consume half of their calories in the car. i swore my children would not eat in the car. of course, i also said i wasn't going to use pacifiers.
13. when disciplining your children, being consistent is key. sadly, it is always you who is punished.
14. you will hide your child's favorite book. maybe only for a day or two...but even goodnight moon will drive you insane after 200 readings. in one day.
15. you should definitely have a dog. i can't do it...but i would spend so much less time cleaning in the kitchen if i could!
16. this one really gets me...i would love to take a nap and sleep 12 hours a night. and yet, the children fight sleep like it is death. seriously, how can they not want to nap?
17. you will be those people at a restaurant. either that, you will not dine out with your children for at least five years.
18. you will love your children more when they are asleep. or after 2-3 glasses of wine.
19. the stomach flu is the worst thing ever. i once put my hand in cold puke at 3am. and my husband was out of town. that night did not end well.
20. date night usually involves talking about the kids. i usually even pull out their pictures.

so let's start at the end of the food chain...

there are so many surprises in store for the unsuspecting new parent - sleepless nights, the intense love you feel for the floppy, mewling, demanding being that is now in control of your life, the unsolicited advice that comes from all directions - but perhaps nothing is as perplexing as the amount of time you now spend talking about a previously taboo topic. POOP! i mean, before parenthood overtook you, perhaps you had an awkward discussion with your doctor regarding certain difficulties or maybe you were forced to disclose more than you wanted to about your "movements" to a traveling companion due to some bad goat curry; other than that...poop was pretty much seen and not heard.

but once you become a parent it is simply amazing the amount of time that is spent discussing the color, the texture, the frequency and even the process of expelling poop. is she pooping enough? how can he possible poop so much?!? is yellow a normal color? all he is eating is breastmilk, so why does his poop seem so grainy? it goes on and on. it is not at all uncommon to find yourself discussing poop at your first nice dinner out without the baby, over your arugula and baby beet salad with goat cheese. speaking of which, have you ever seen beet poo? it is amazing! the first diaper my nanny changed after the boys had beets kind of freaked her out. she even saved it for me to make sure everything was ok. and that is just my point. you come home after being out for hours. you haven't seen your little one(s) and have missed them dearly. ok, maybe not...but still...the first question to the nanny? did he poop?

my poor husband had never changed a diaper before our twins were born. i lost some blood after the birth and couldn't leave the bed for 24 hours. all i can say is thank god for the call button! but, he is a quick learner and now he changes our microfiber pocket diapers with flushable liners like a champ. and that brings me to my next point. the industry is exists simply to deal with all of this shit is astounding! i was recently in the market for some new cloth diapers and wow...talk about overwhelming! but that is parenthood. overwhelming. and wonderful. but mostly overwhelming.