crossed wires

this past weekend, we headed out for our camping warm up of the season. the farm we support for our local farm box was holding its annual camp out. this is our third year receiving delicious produce from this farm and each year they have held this event and each year i have wanted to attend. finally, this year, the stars aligned and the weekend worked with the rest of our busy summer agenda. it was a friday/saturday gig...but since the boys' third birthday was friday, we opted for just a one day stay.

friday, during nap, the hubby and i are packing up the car, attaching the roof box, planning meals, etc and i decide to pop inside to see what the drive to the farm looks like. see, this whole time i was under the impression that it was about an hour away...and, well, no. actually, it is two hours away. hmmmm. okay, well that is a lot of driving for one night, but we really want to see where all that yummy food is coming from and support the farm. i am trying to figure out what the weekend costs when i discover that this camp out is actually sponsored by a local record label and some of their bands will be performing. that sounds cool...the boys love music.

we elect to pack light -- no super yard, no firewood, no canopies -- since it will just be one night away. we get underway as soon as we are done with breakfast and we have packed the final items. we are on the road right on schedule and discussing what the camping situation will look like on a 30-acre farm. we decide that no matter what we have pictured in our heads, it will no doubt be completely wrong. oh, how right we were.

fast forward two hours. the boys have been troopers, but they are starting to get antsy. the weather is clear and sunny and heating up. we arrive at the farm at the peak of the heat, right around 2pm. we turn into the "parking lot" aka field and notice right away that the cars are parked there and the tents are anywhere from 50-500 yards from the cars. oh my. we didn't pack that light. also, it is about 85 degrees (the warmest day so far this year) and other than the orchard, there is very little shade in sight. our tent is only slightly smaller than our house and there is no way it would fit in between the rows of any orchard. we spot some shade, but it is about a 200 yard hike from the car...

by the time everything is shuttled from the car to the shady spot, the boys are hot and cranky, the husband is hot and cranky and i am just glad i didn't get up for the 5:30am boot camp because i have just gotten quite a work out. we get the tent set up and about this time we take a few minutes to check out our neighbors. they seem pretty hippy-ish...but that is normal for campers and farm lovers, right? we decide to wander over to the area where the farm is cooking up some of their produce for sale. it is about now that it clicks for us. we are not at a farm-open-house-family-camp-out camp out. this is about the music. and drugs. and drinking. this is a music festival that happens to be at a farm. oh, shit. the porta potties have no toilet paper. there are people passed out anywhere there is shade. there are very few children. and the music is getting louder. but it is folksy bluesy rock and actually pretty good. ok. let's assess. we have a shady spot pretty far from the "stage." the boys have their own potty. there is a campsite tear down and a two-hour drive between us and home. and they have tamales and beans and rice for sale. we are sure it will be fine. we will just avoid the orchard where the attendants are attempting to fumigate the crops with pot smoke.

we have dinner and make our way back to our tent. the boys seem to be enjoying themselves and the hubby and i pour ourselves a drink. none of the kids took a nap and are getting tired...but it is still broad daylight. we spend the next hour and a half getting the kids to sleep. this involves a major nosebleed from one of them, a couple of poopy diapers, some internal damage to the tent, a music genre change to death metal punk and the neighbors roasting a bowl of their own. charming.

finally, the bleeding stops, some folk comes on, the chilldren are all asleep. we pour another round and seek out our (most likely stoned) neighbors, who appear to be part of one of the bands. how late does the music go? innocent question. 2am. are you fucking serious? yes and the last act is loud and crazy. fan-fucking-tastic. well, what can be done? we pour another drink, take our own toilet paper to the porta potties and head off to bed. where we both lie awake until 2am. but, the kids all sleep through the night. no shit!

not much else to tell...we get up, we pack, we get the hell out of dodge. but while my husband is ferrying supplies to the car and i am cleaning up from breakfast, a woman approaches carrying a baby, a bottle and a pan. she wants to know if i can heat up her homemade raw goat's milk formula for her 8-month-old son, salamander. and that was as close to family-camp out that this camping trip was going to come. time to head back to the real world. next weekend we are camping with our local multiples group, and i am fairly confident that the experience will be the other end of the spectrum. it will be a very welcome change!

a day in the life...

days like today remind me to focus on my mantra -- this too shall pass -- early and often. it's just that in this business the climate can change at the drop of a hat. with no notice. it is a fickle, precarious vocation. just yesterday, i was feeling content, capable, caring and even a touch carefree. by nap today, i had apologized to the kids for various parenting faux pas (yelling, crankiness, etc.) at least three times.

it all started with an early start this morning. even so, breakfast goes well and i decide to take the boys on a walk and try to find some ripe blackberries. i pile them all in the wagon, grab a berry receptacle and head out. now basil, our kitty, likes to take walks with us. this may sound endearing. however, i assure you, when i am already trying to keep three charges safe from harm, a fourth is not really what i need. nonetheless, he decides to join us today for our berry-picking adventure. i do indeed find a good patch of berries and the boys are content to hang in the wagon, munching berries while i pick enough for a small crisp (note to self, next time bring TWO receptacles). i see the cat wander into the yard across the street right around the same time that the sit-still-on-the-side-of-the-road limit is reached with the wee ones. i head towards home, plying the boys with more berries (watching my crisp get smaller by the minute) to keep them still. i call to basil to no avail and since we are on a pretty busy road i am a little concerned to leave him, but the natives are restless so i continue homeward. i tell the boys we are going to have to rescue basil as soon as we get home.

i get home, buckle everyone into the car and head back to retrieve my cat. all told it takes several drive-bys, a trip back to the house to get some cat food and bowl, more drive-bys and finally me looking like an idiot on the side of the road dropping cat food into a bowl all the while calling quite loudly to locate the little rat. mission accomplished...

we head home...now to accurately set the stage for the next phase of my day you should know that i am in the throes of potty training. this is something i have been alternately dreading and anxiously awaiting for, oh, about three years. i have no formal training, no manuals and it feels roughly as though i have been thrust into the cockpit of a 747 and told that i should take her down nice and easy. riiiiiiiiiight. and according to freud if i don't handle this right there will be long-standing psychological ramifications. great. in fact, the only thing i have on my side is that i have been cloth diapering since day one and i am no stranger to dealing with poop on a regular basis. i wouldn't exactly call that an advantage, if you know what i mean.

i started down this path in the same manner i start down most of my major-life-decision paths -- impulsively, naively and only minimally prepared. for example, when i decided the boys would be wearing undies except when sleeping, i owned exactly 6 pairs of size 2/3 boys briefs. for two almost 3-year-olds for whom the potty was a new acquaintance. yeah...doing laundry 3 times a day is totally practical. and i decided to let them pee at random outside...which resulted in the unfortunate attempt to POOP off the deck. so anyway, that gives you an idea of where i am since this all started less than two weeks ago.

so back to today. we are all safely home. no one has had an accident...which is good considering we were just in the car (oops). i am pretty hopped up on adrenaline from my gutsy rescue mission. and the boys want me to make the crisp. or rather they want to "help" me make the crisp. awesome. okay, let's do it. does anyone have to use the potty. no. no one has to use the potty. crisp in the oven. time to start lunch. does anyone need to sit on the potty? no, no, no. two minutes pass. two boys pee in their undies. i attempt, unsuccessfully, to not say "i just asked you two minutes ago if you needed to go in the potty!" continue on with lunch. a poop in the undies. just a tiny little turd. do you still need to go poop? no! are you sure you don't want to just sit on the potty and see? no, there is not more poop in my bum! two minutes pass. mom, i pooped in my undies... shocking. finish lunch sit everyone down for lunch. everyone wants crisp for lunch. no, no crisp for lunch. after lunch my other son won't get up. did you poop in your undies? yes. friggin spectacular. and finally, after i have gotten him cleaned up and i am in the middle of everyone's favorite task of swishing poopy undies around in poopy water in the toilet i am informed that the other one went poop and i seriously say to myself, in the bathroom, that i cannot take another minute of this when i realize that this time the poop is in the potty and this is the first time he has pulled down his own pants and pooped in the potty on his own and my heart soars. i am ecstatic. i am holding dripping poopy undies. and i need to get out more.

clarity

yesterday, while the boys played in the sandbox, i had an extremely poignant parenting moment. it was an insignificant thing, really...but the implications far-reaching. nash was digging with a yellow shovel -- the little cheap ones that come free with a pail -- when it unexpectedly broke in two. he looked down at the two pieces in his hands and got a very determined look on his face. i immediately knew what he intended to do and it literally broke my heart. sure enough, he spent a little time maneuvering to the edge of the sandbox, backed his way down to the chips, pushed himself up to standing and toddled directly over to me. once at his destination, he held the two pieces out and looked at me expectantly. in that moment, it occurred to me what it is to be a parent. it is a series of moments like these. moments when you watch your child fail, fall, lose, choose poorly, get hurt or err and you know you cannot (and/or should not) fix it. all you can do is be there. support them. maybe share some unheeded wisdom. and wipe the tears away. like i said, it broke my heart. but at the same time, it was soothing. it felt right.

i walked nash back to the sandbox and showed him how to use the little shovel without its handle and we went on about our day.